His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
