I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
