Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
