Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
