I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
