Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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