I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
