girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
