So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
