Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
