Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
