Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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