My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
