That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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