I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
