So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
