She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
