What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need a beard to bite.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
