I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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