Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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