I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
