Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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