piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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