Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
