So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
