last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
