Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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