is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
