come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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