Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
