i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
