My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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