My first STD was from a foam party
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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