Do you still have your period?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The uberlube is also flammable
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
