How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
