; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
