I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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