Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This baby is an asshole
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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