My balls are so social today.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
