He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
