Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
