I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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