i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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