We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me they were just razor bumps!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
