I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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