That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
