I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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