No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
