Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
