When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
