Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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