Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
